SilentWater

I am blogging again for the need of it. It’s Saturday, I am alone, and I feel like talking.

I woke up really early this morning because Raya, my friend, was on the door. She attends some sort of scout leadership training in the school where she is teaching. She sleeps there and just drop by to take a shower and needs to go back quickly. They are having some activities, which I am not really interested about. But I asked anyway. After all, I also work in that school where I handle the newspaper. It seems imperative that I have at least an idea of all the things happening around there.

After some questions and answers and uh-uh and i-see’s, I went back to bed and tucked myself under the sheet with a book I managed to pick on top of the side table. But I already read it a couple of times, so I just flipped the pages until I fell asleep. I must be so tired in the past week.

I think I really am. Weekdays whiz past so fast that I do not notice, and a lot of things are happening. In the last one particularly, I took two days off from school because I want more sleep. It’s a self-declared holiday, and I am a little guilty about it. Although my presence is not really needed in the newsroom everyday, I feel like the two days makes us all, students included, have a lot of things to catch up on.

I work early mornings until late nights, and sometimes until the next mornings. It’s my work and I am not complaining. There are a lot of new people in Makati office that need attention, and on the QC side, there’s a school paper that I am brewing.

It is a kind of newspaper that a former senator, who happens to be the president of the school I work for, wants it to be – something that I am honestly having apprehension about. Accordingly, she is intimidating in meetings. I guess she really is because she talks a lot, most of the things she blabs about though are nonsense. But when she realizes that her “showbiz-ness” be set aside, she gives in. But that’s yet to be proven by myself when camera-like eyes are not around. The most part of getting into her fold is not fun, but I love the challenge. Then again, I believe that the two days that I did not deal with any of these people somehow seemed to have soothed my igniting inis. Now, I am again ready and excited to do the next steps – train kids and write reports.

Last night while I was still at work, I got the chance to chat with Joseph, a kid I used to know back home in Centro Dos. I was nine when he was born. I clearly remember him as a toddler playing with his cousins on the street in front of his grandparents’ house before they moved to Hawaii. After 15 years or so, he’s no longer a kid.

I am positive he does not remember me, but his mom, Manang Estelita, was the bestfriend of my aunt Brilllia, whom I used to tag along with when they have their teenage chitchat, though I am not really sure about how old they were at that time. I just know I was five or six. I assume they were teenagers because they talk about boys, they color their nails together, and share secrets about their hair. After a couple of years, my aunt went back to Rancho Diego and Manang Estelita got married. I know a little spicy side story about how that marriage happened, but it’s my young mind that I am relying on.

During my formative years, my memories are vivid. Sometimes events get mixed up. But one thing is for sure. They all happened. Now, it’s funny how I realize things in my mind about my hometown Centro Dos in Isabela are becoming so surreal and appearing like olden times.

I am alone here in Manila. I wish I am home.

Nakaputi siya,
nakikialam ang init ng araw
sa aura na itinitighaw ng kanyang anyo.
Maliwanag.
Kitang kita ang bawat indak at bawat pagpihit
ng mga kasukasuang
nagpapangiti sa mga napapadaan.

Malupit
ang mga tinging ipinapanalig
sa sandamukal na dala niyang aliw sa kalsada.
Kalsadang sa unag tingin ay
tila pinagkaitan ng inobasyon.
Walang wala
ang sabi ng mala putik na sinementong mukha
ng mga bida sa ating nakagisnang panahon.

Yaman din lamang at nandiyan siyang nang-aaliw sa
mapanuri at kinakalawang na isip ng mga tao sa paligid
Pati ikaw, nakikiusyoso rin.
Nakingiti rin.
Nakangiti rin siya, na kulang para maging pagak na tawa

Sa manaka nakang ngiti na sisilay
mula sa iyo
ay lason sa kanyang pakiramdam

Mahiyain
ang bawat galaw na kanyang ginagawa
Ngunit sapilitan
upang mabigyang buhay lamang
ang mundo na
ipinasasayaw sa kanya.

Mag-iitim na siya
at hindi na rin sa ilalim ng araw
eekstra sa susunod na siglo
Upang hindi lantarang nakikita
ang bawat kahabag habag na mga galaw
na nagbibigay pugay sa katauhan niya

at nang matabingan ang mga hindi matawaran
na nang-eengganyong ngiti
sa kalsadang minsan pa,
wala na muling dadaan.

I’m so super backward when it comes to Pinoy news.

I read this just now, “I am Wanggo Gallaga, I am 29, I am a writer, and I am HIV positive.” Obviously, it is now a history. This same thing happened also the moment I learned about Rudy Fernandez’ death. Well, I cling to the fact that I wasn’t in Manila last year that is why six months already has passed when I read about it.

It’s funny how I avoid Pinoy TV news because I believe that all the things I see there are crap, if not most of them. In turn, I miss somethings I want to know, or should have known for that matter.

I have read all of Wanggo’s published write-ups, from books to  elusive bliss to indulgences to reverb, some of which I used in my classes. I knew it from his writings that he is gay. But his courage to let the whole world know that he has HIV is something else.

Anyway, this blog does not go anywhere. I just realized that I should spare a couple of minutes in front of the television or read some entertainment news sometimes.

W: Ba’t ka nakasimangot?

Ako: Masakit po ang puson ko, more than one week na. Feeling ko may chocolate cyst ako.

W: Hay naku! Kasi ang hilig hilig mo sa tsokolate! Mag-share ka kasi pag kakain ka. 

 

Hehe! This conversation completed my day. It’s true that I love chocolates more than anything else, but I don’t think it has anything to do with it. I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off. 

W is already menopause who’s experiencing evident mood swings and intermittent hot flushes (maybe).

mood: fuming mad

I wrote a quite long blog about dog meat eating (among Koreans) a while ago, but I opted to delete it and let it go as if nothing happened. It was very long that it lost coherence.

I’ll try not to go into details. The bottom line is — if these people see dogs as a staple food, then go eat it. But if you ask me, I would see it as no less than cannibalism.

They have their principles, I have mine.

They served dog meat in the place where I am staying at last weekend. It was really sickening on my part to hear comments like “why don’t you eat it?” “It’s good for the body, it gives you power.” These remarks are more stomach churning, let alone the idea of slaughtering, eviscerating and working the dog out, and then eating it, than looking at it in a soup bowl blended in an orange-coloured paste.

I understand the culture and I respect it For one, I am aware that I am in a Korean environment. Another thing, I don’t heed the superstitious belief that eating these creatures is good for health. Even so, what am I going to use stamina for? I prefer to dig junk foods.

It’s their belief and the hell I care. Swear! I really don’t. I can ignore it. What’s burning me today is the notion of me not joining them as being ethnocentric – that I wouldn’t fully understand that Korean-ness if I don’t try and don’t show to them that I like it too.

Tang-ina! Kung pagiging closed minded ang basehan ng cultural insensitivity, mga Koreano ang hari sa mundo.

I should have written that in English. Anyway, most of them wouldn’t understand it without the use of their dictionaries.

씨발”! Eto, maiintindihan nila ‘to!

_______________

*** with apologies to those Koreans out there who are nice and not as close-minded as those whom I have encountered. xx

I felt it! Don’t make it like a city’s explosion, as it’s just a simple shake.

It really baffles me (and annoys me) big time as to why people around right now tend to feel like in a total shudder of horror, or maybe in amazement, about the earthquake a while ago.

I was still in my classroom while rushing some papers for tomorrow’s IELTS mock test when someone knocked just to ask me if I felt the quake. I simply said yes. Then another singkit moron peeked behind the half-open door. “Teacher, did you feel that?”

“Yes. Why?”

And he looked at me in disbelief and uttered ,”why are you not affected at all? Not afraid?”

“No.”

“진짜! Strange woman!”. Then he left.

Not even a minute passed when another man showed up. He asked if he can come in. I just nodded and I saw his eyes in panic.

“Didn’t you feel the artquick?”

While he was saying this, it was as if he was trying very hard to open his eyes and let the whole world know that Koreans have sclerae. With that look, I couldn’t help but blurt out a big laugh. He laughed along but his furrowed brow has never left his face.

I explained that Baguio often experience shakes like that. It’s normal because of its location and blah blah blah, and blah blah blah. He answered in awe and disbelief, “yearly??”.

“Not only yearly. It can be every week or even more frequent than that. “

Mas lalong nalukot ang mukha. Only to find out that what he meant by YEARLY is 정말. A question of affirmation, like REALLY?!!!.

I have been with these people for a couple of months, but I still forget how they pronounce words sometimes and what they really mean. That gave me a laugh, though. It should have been fun until another boorish young man appeared and started to talk in wonder like a bird about “the thing that happened a while ago”.

The fun faded and was changed with irritation. I really don’t understand why in the world these people are so, so amazed about a simple quake like this. It wasn’t nerve-wracking and it didn’t last for long. Its magnitude may not even move PhilVOCS seismometer.

I would understand it if they are a bunch of ignorant 5-year-old kids and that it may be their first time to experience such ground shakes in their lives. But, hell, some of these people are way older than me.

Walang bang lindol sa Korea, or you are just “acting like Koreans”???

Remind me to blog later about Korean Thanksgiving Day. I enjoyed some food. It’s like a feast. The 라면 that they always serve every Sunday is nowhere in sight. Aside from that, I also played yutnori – Korean traditional boardgame. It’s pretty much like a baseball game with some intricacies along the way, with some shouting and booing in between of course.

We won!

I am learning to type fast in 한글 and that’s why this is my bestfriend right now.  My computer has Roman alphabet only, so when I try to hit charcters in 한극어, I am like doing some kind of trial and error until such time that I correctly guess the right key. It takes me 100 years (hehe!) to be able to construct an existing Korean word until my friend 준형 아주씨 sent me this keyboard pix. Now, I can double my usual speed before.

Millions thanks mwah mwah! 

Headache sucks!

I woke up feeling well and seemed to go about my day just fine until my tension headache attacked at around 3 PM. I was in the middle of some stupid seminar when it felt like someone suddenly tugged my hair and squeezed my head cruelly. If I move it wrong, it was as if some metal balls start rolling around inside and bumping hard into soft parts of my skull. That’s how it felt like. I have had it since I-don’t-know-when. It’s episodic anyway and it has been a habit to endure it a little every time it occurs. But this time, it was unbearable.

After quitting time, which was past 5 PM, I decided to take a walk to get some fresh air. I found myself toddling along Burnham Park. It probably took me longer than I planned because I just realized I barely can see the surroundings anymore. It was dark. It was really dark.

I asked an ale why there are no lights around. She said since the new mayor sat in position, Burnham Park is no longer the way it used to be. It’s dirty and it has become nothing but a haven of lovers who don’t wish to get a room. Well, I don’t care about it, but I couldn’t disagree with her. As I looked around before I head towards the taxi stand nearby, I can feel sadness in the dull murky and foggy surroundings.

Now, I am talking to Jumar through YM! and I am surprised about what he said that “pokpok lang ang naglalakad sa Burnham ng gabi, bungee!!!” Oh, God! I wasn’t aware of that. That only goes to show that I don’t know much about this place.

This time, I think I’d rather take some hot milk and sleep early. Perhaps, I am just overstretched these days.